Monday, 7 October 2013

Anarchy for Sale in Sigil

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Pandemonium Fracking Coffee:
Estimated price for coffee is 100 gold piece for one cup. Cup most be consumed immediately after being brewed by trained insane barista.

Effects are :
you are immune to sleep for a month!
For the first week after not sleeping , -1 to all actions, irritable, mild delusions
for the second week, -2 to all actions, d.m rolls a d20, that number that they rolled, when ever they roll that number (on any dice roll), you hallucinate something

3rd week -3 to all actions, as above but 2 numbers and must make a will/spells save to prevent flying into a rage when provoked

4th week, as above but also must will/spell save to prevent confusion as the spell for 1d4 rounds when an unexpected situation happens.

After the month sleep for a week, and gain 50 exp per level.

To make Pandemonium Fracking Coffee requires (in addition to the training, see below) a Fracking Bean Organ , a dangerous looking steam engine/pipe organ  thing the size of a toaster that has a system of pipes so complicated that the beans get confused and give up caffeine they don't actually have. These are made by xaostiticss and residents of bleaker asylums (via therapeutic crafts). They cost what ever is in the person next yous pockets (players not characters or npcs). One dollar =10 g.p

Training requires having a crazy person yell at you while other crazy people demand coffee all with the winds of pandemonium screaming at you. It will cost you what ever is underneath the nearest table

YOu then get an insanity from the following table. Then roll a d4 , if you get a 4 you have successfully learned how to make coffee. Otherwise you may try again.

To make Fracking Coffee requires 1d4 rounds , some burnable fuel source, water, and anything brown that you believe is some how coffee beans. "Real" pandemonium fracking coffee is from beans that boneless albino civert cats have choked to death on after consuming the beans in the feces of another boneless albino civert cat, but honestly no-one can tell the difference.

1. Your character feels compelled to change their name every session and will be irked furiously if called by a previous name

2. agoraphobia

3. the existence of a type of random monster (determined by a local random monster encounter table) will be never be believed by you

4. hypochondria . -2 to saves vs poison and disease

5. spell / will save or be struck by kleptomania in any civilized area

6. Hysterical muteness, save vs spell/will or be mute in extreme situations (like when a TPK is threatened)

7. Having a recurring hallucination that you ask/debate for advice

8. Terrified of domestic animals
9. Won't drink anything handled by someone else

10. You believe you are an expert on 1d4 areas of knowledges. The depth of your utter incorrectness is deep and vast 

11. Suspect you are the only real person

12. Believe a mundane object on your person is the source of your powers. Lose a level if is not on your person until you find it or a convincing substitute 


1. You tabletopped some drinks and now you have caught Fire from a Gensai or Azer. It's like the cold but not. You burn with blueish flame adding 1 damage to hand to hand attacks but any equipment you did not go carousing with is going to be slowly burned up. It will last one session.

2. You got to talking to this babe and he/she/they convinced you to join a random faction (see table below). Yep , you got honey potted. You are not a member yet, but will annoy everyone talking about how great the factions ideas are for like a couple of sessions until you get over it or don't.

3. You got a tattoo from a passing mermaid. It is a stylized anchor which any aquatic dweller will recognize as sign meaning "drown me". This prank might endear you to them, depending on if you are trying to be taken seriously or not. -/+ 2 to encounter rolls depending on how being a figure of fun will work in your favour right now

4. You have been mazed by the Lady! Oh noes! Jokes! NAh you just got real drunk and couldn't find your way out of the closet at your room at the inn. You are shaken by this experience though, -2 to all rolls when alone for the next session.

5. You have sold your future corpse to the Dustmen for 1d4 x100 gold pieces! Unfortunately this mean if you are raised or reincarnated they will mark your soul with rune that means undead are automatically aware of presence if you within 500 feet of them and will be hostile

6. You got talked into joining some Doomguard in a street fight against some Harmonium. Start the next session with half your hit points but your reputation towards the Doomguard is improved

7.You spent 1d100 gold on a useless item (see table below) because a talking squirrel convinced you it was a bargain. Squirrels don't know shit.

8. You ingested something squirted out of a bug for fun/attempt to impress someone/ blot out the horror.
You have a great time but now can't see anything that is a random colour for 1d4 sessions

9. Either due to a hot and sordid encounter (roll charisma if you are game) or just speculation from across a crowded room, you have a new additional sexual preference. If your character already has that preference, +4 favorable modifier to that charisma roll to see if you hooked up:

 1. talking animals 
 2. 1undead corporeal (preserved) 
     2 undead corporeal (just plain nasty)
     3 undead corporeal (skeletons)
      4 undead incorporeal 
3. Mechanical beings
4. Centaur or otherwise part animal
5. dudes
6. ladys
7.dude ladys *
8. lady dudes *
9.bondage, even/odds topping/bottoming
10.players choice

10. you have adopted a pet
 1.celestial singing mouse
 2. stone  lorus
 3. goose
 4. double tom
 5. barnacle
  6. blind dog with smaller seeing eye dog

11.  Someone brought in someone discount potions/ discards from the alchemists ward. And you ingested them. 
your arms are now swapped
2. improve a physical stat by 1. yussss
3. you have scales. Not enough get a armour class bonus though
4. you now are highly flammable. Reroll any fire damage and take the better result
5. True sight as the spell for the next session
6. Music causes you physical pain for the next 1d6 sessions. 1d4 points of damage per round of exposure
7. swap bodies with another p.cs who was carousing with you, or roll on reincarnation table to determine if no-one else was on the piss with you

8. For any potion you drink from now on roll a d4. 1: half effectiveness 2 double effectiveness 3. normal 4. reverse effect

12. You stumbled through a portal and continued the bender somewhere else. Roll a random other carousing table. Alternatively if none are handy, your foray into parts unknown results in a blackout , scars and lose a random valued item and gain exp = estimated market value of it in g.p. Item might be retrievable.  

alternate carousing tables HMS Apollyon , the classic, denefix , this one, this other one and one more

*by which I mean someone currently occupying a "other gender" category because of their assuming of cultural and/or physical traits of one gender while actively possessing vestigial or partial traits of another. Which is not to be confused with someone who is transgender. Confused? tell me about it.

Random Faction Table for Blue Rabbit Sigil : table weighted to reflect
 doomguard affliation and bar's location bias
2-4Bleak Cabal
7Fraternity of Order
8-9.Free League("Indeps")
10Mercykillers("The Red Death")
11Revolutionary League("Anarchists")
12Sign of One("Signers")
13Society of Sensation("Sensates")
14Transcendent Order("Ciphers")
18-20: Doomguard

Useless Crap Item

1 A property deed for somewhere in limbo

2. A portable hole! Oh no wait, clever slight of hand, it's a circle of very matt black fabric.

3.Undead Repellent! See any undead around? No? That's because it works. Actually just kerosene.

4."invisible, weightless" cloak in a gift wrapped box

5. Ghost whistle! Only heard by ghosts!

6.Potion of minor rehydration

7.Boxing glove arrow

8. Helmet of "dark" vision actually a regular helmet with covered up eye slits

9.Magic wand of negation. Actually just a stick.

10. Tanar'ri book of protocol. Detailed and thorough but completely useless due to the nature of tanar'ir

11. Modron joke book. Pages and pages of random numbers12. Map of negative material plane. It's just a black sheet of paper.


  1. Nice Tables - Modrons are jerks. I just call them machine intelligences, but same same, and a really waiting for someone to stumble across their crystal forest in my game - no luck yet.

  2. Fuck the Harmonium!! woooooo!

    Great post!